My Life

I am only one

But Still I am one
I cannot do everything
But Still I can do something
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do something that I can do
-Edward Everett.

Can you believe this is me, right next to Shiva as "Parvati" in this 1989 new years party up in HAL township, Kanpur

The "girl " in the extreme left being me again in another function in Kanpur itself. Just found this photo so thought of blogging it. I am trying out this photo blogging software Picasa2 by Google. It is ok to blog photographs but fot he proper alignment to come we have to edit it?

This being my favorite me with the babes I used to work with in my last job. Feels good to know, both are happily married and just got back in touch with both of them. They still are among the lot of good friends in my life. The one on my right literally begged my pop to get me to attend her marriage, and I wasn't even in a state to walk properly. Still I went limping of course, good friends are hard to come by, I took a lot of time to realize it and am still in the process I guess. The one on the left just became my facebook friend! So title renamed to Life now.

Living in the Now

The past is water under the bridge and the future is a distant sun on the horizon of your imagination.

I seemed to have been spending most of my day fretting over past events that I have no power to change or worrying about things to come, which never do arrive. My mind was always flooded by a million little thoughts pulling me in a million different directions. It was really fustrating, my inner world was in a complete mess.

The occational long distance drives I realised I got all charged up, and my mind was smoothened. Kind of hard to explain it changed my thinking style itself, imagine instead of me thinking of burying my knees between someones legs I stared thinking of a honourable but a billion times more insulting behaviour. I sure am a man of extreems.

I do not believe in motivation because motivation in any form makes me dependent on whatever that motivates me, for me the chase is the reward. Motivation is another form of slavery psycologists say that the source of motivation is an unsatisfied need or a deficency within human beings. An unfulfilled need creates a tension in the nervous and muscular system. This tension or need produces a drive to seek out goals outside of oneself. Once this goal is achieved the tension is reduced temporarily.

I just dont have peace of mind yet, but on these long distance drives I have experienced times when my mind is fully occupied on only what was in front of me. I didn't have time to think about anything other than the task at hand. I would be brilliant if I get this kind of focus when I am with the books. While driving hours seemed to pass by in minutes & I felt centered. It was as if the only thing that mattered to me was what I was doing in that very moment. Everything else, the worries, the bills, the emotions didn't count. Come to think of it these were probably the times when I felt the most peacefull as well.

I can see the real object of motivation is not an object at all. It is a state of mental and physical restlessness caused by desire.The thing I desire is in in my perception. The meaning of "pay" or "apple" is not the pay or apple but only a perception of how it will fulfill my unsatisfied need to be physically or economically satisfied. Desire is limiting perception to focus on an object or a person you desire. Desire is the process of narrowing your perception.

When you narrow your perciption often enough, desire becomes restless obsession as I have seen with some of my coleagues. Restlessness is a symptom of monkey mind. Am sure you would have heard the expression "If you give peanuts as salary, you get monkeys to work for you?" Another way of interpreting this sentence is as follows: Monkeys minds seek out trivia such as peanuts to reduce the their restless nature.

Being engaged in a pursuit that truly chalenges you is the surest route to personal satisfaction but the real key to remember is that hapiness is a journey, not a destination.I am thankfull that I didn't have to put off hapiness for the sake of achievement, I never had to put off living. Happiess is a journey. You can marvel at the diamonds along the way or you can keep running through all your days, chasing that elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that ultimately reveals itself to be empty.

The size of the cusion on your chair, or the brand of car usually become the source of motivation. This is surely a form of slavery. It is not the chair or car that makes one human. It is the human that makes the chair as well as the car.

Life dosen't always give you what you ask for but it always gives you need.

Me Myself and my Blog

• My celebrity smile style is like David Beckham


• I have a sparkling personality that can light up a room the moment I walk into it.


• My charming nature tells people that I am trustworthy and ready for a good time.


• I have bold style and a bright spark that shines through in everything I do.


• I'm not an alcoholic.


• I have an EQ of 143 and am perceptive and hypersensitive.


• I'm moderately schizophrenic and not quite a borderline serial killer.


• I'm 18.5% homosexual.


• If I were a revolution, I'd be the French one


• If I were an animal I'd be a tiger with powerful stealth and an impressive attitude.


• If I were an underwear, I'd be a V-string the perfect mix of cool and classic and flirty and fun.


• I share my birthday with Diego Maradona -Thanks Pat


• And yeah, I'll die on Thursday, September 25,2059.

This was my mind I guess.

I know all of this because I spend used to spend all precious time taking online personality tests. I've spent precious time answering 'yes' or 'no' or 'strongly agree' or 'strongly disagree' to questions like:

• Do I have crazy dreams?


• Have I ever fantasized about my teacher?


• How does it feel to be an only child at five?


• Would I report my best friend if I knew he was a murderer!!

There's nothing that you can't test yourself for on the http://web.tickle.com (The link is not working now)

• I was declared a 'suspense thriller' on the 'What Kind Of Movie Are You' test.


• If I were an emoticon, I'd be a wink ;-)


• I've been told I have high levels of sexual intelligence


• If I were cast in the Star Wars series, I'm the perfect Han Solo (sarcastic soldier of fortune-turned-rebel pilot).

The Net de constructs my life into simple questions and answers and throws up a brand new 'Me' that I didn't know existed! A Google search for personality tests throws up more than 24,900,000 results! I was looking for a clearer definition of my own personality.

I was trying out this blog as me in all its originality to share my strange but wonderful, bizarre but happy life with everyone out there in the world & pleasantly surprised at invitations to join my friend list. Although not very successful and happening but my life has been great a roller coaster ride so far and I am pretty sure I have a lot of interesting things to share.

I have been regularly posting some highly intelligible set of articles which are of serious interest to a lot of people from the looks of it. This blog is just me and my weird thoughts, travels, stimulating articles I come across in some good books. Thinking about it I got time to read which is good considering my fast paced lifestyle. I would like to clarify that this particular Yahoo360 blog is purely out of the need to mark the significance of some changes in my life. I was reviewing the blog for the last couple of days and I feel I left my thoughts to run on wild horses guess "Something is better than nothing" applies here, but this blog & its friends exceeded my expectations. I don't feel alone nor helpless anymore. I am sure even if there is just one way to happiness, I will find it, actually I am on my way. I am not hanging between fears and hopes, between beliefs and reality, between needs and desires, between two banks. I know I can swim across not swept away.

I hardly realized when I grew up and I suddenly woke up to the fact that it would soon be time to grow old. If my friends are not willing to help and support my cause, then maybe they're not really the friends I thought they were & those who matter would rather have me enjoying life than tiring myself out for their sake. I guess life has become too mechanical. We don't even realize that in a day how many people we hurt but then, we too are humans and humans do make mistakes. The only thing is that we must realize the true meaning of being Sorry for it. That will help our heart to be at peace!!! Yahoo 360 blogger friends I encountered generally served a fairly supportive role at this time. I discovered that all the love I was searching all around the world, the love which would not be limited but unlimited was all within myself , within me, me the one whom I have hated all life for not having a single person who would care & love the way I wanted.

Now it looks like this

This blog was an excellent starting point for me adopting a new paradigm of my role in this planet. A paradigm is simply a way of looking at a circumstance or at life in general. I used to see the glass of life as half empty. Now I see it half full. I interpret the same circumstance differently because I have adopted a different paradigm. A Paradigm is basically a lens through which you see the events of your life, both external & internal.

If you really want to to improve your outer world, whether this means your health, your relationships or your finances, you must first improve your inner world. The most effective way to do this is through the practice of continuous self-improvement. Self-mastery is the DNA of life mastery. I change my inner world, I change my outer world.

Update:To be Continued...

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Thanks to blogging I didn't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going and still does is that I love what I do.

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
Dick Wertheimer

After more than three wonderful and extremely fast paced years at three companies, I have re-winded back to college again due to some unforeseen circumstances. I am so surprised and even more disappointed, because situations was not like how I had expected. I was under the impression that I had been fair and receptive to my colleagues needs in as much to they being my friends as well as classmates. I had probably taken them too much for granted and maybe I was even more demanding of some of them. I believe this world is turning so contemptibly selfish that we can’t pass a little bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return. The people whom I talk to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants, needs and problems, than they are in me and my problems took time to figure this one out but better late than never. Another way to look at it is this way they have got time to kill today whereas I am running to catch up with the sun.

A great secret of success is to go through life as a man who never gets used up.
Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

I have found what I love, even if it is not what I found hope never killed anyone I guess. And that is as true for my studies as it is for my lovers. My academic life is going to fill a large part of my life again, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what I believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what I do. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.
Michel de Montaigne(1533 – 1592)

I have been culling my life of the no longer useful. That’s why probably the previous posts are strictly filled with my thoughts and quoting of the books I got time to read. I realized that all through my life I have never read the great books I had been asked to read and am still a couple of decades old kid (baccha). I never took life in the serious outlook that most people do from their college days itself. Sometimes family life is complicated, but I won't lose sight of the miracle that I do have a family! My health and lifestyle and might have encouraged me to indulge in the wrong things however it is nothing that a little discipline can't correct. I am sure there have been instances wherein I have erred and people around me have already forgiven me but let me formally seek pardon and assure you of many more opportunities to be a benevolent forgiver!
The time spent here interacting with youngsters at various stages has been the highlight of my life. It was indeed a very tough decision for me to uproot myself from the very highly independent and extremely comfortable situation.

Go through the phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.
Jay Leno (1950 - )

The risk is high and lots at stake, but definitely a risk worth taking. Right or wrong - depends a lot on the prayers that follow. I might falter in being able to speak with you or meet you or continue the same frequency of blogging but trust me it is not a reflection of what you mean to me. And don’t worry I will not ask for the drive to the airport! Many thanksgivings have come and gone but one never passes without me remembering that particular one and my feelings of frustration, fear, loneliness and warmth and the tenderness of the blogger friends that somehow made it all bearable.

Our connect and friendship continues....